We Will Be Full of Plastic

If you didn't know already, drinking copious amounts of “purified” water from plastic bottles makes you sick (because of the polybrominated diphenyl ethers (PDBE) that gets dissolved in the liquid). According to some recent research, “dust and other indoor sources” and eating meat can give you PDBE's.. so if you spend all day in a basement hacking banks, eating McyD's, and drinking Poland Springs, you're really set. For the meat thing I wonder what kinds? Texas Kobe beef or McDonald's half-cardboard stuff? Do the McFlurry spoons contain PDBE's? What about instant ramen?

There is a ton of plastic in our bodies now (US has the highest percentage in the world.. I'm surprised it's not Japan. They are all robots). So what does that mean for the future? We will be mostly plastic.

Wait... that's actually pretty cool. I want a cyber-brain and synthetic organs that don't shutdown from overexposure to alcohol. I want a drunk-mode application so I don't have to pay for booze. Actually, being plastic isn't that bad.

Nevermind, the future won't suck.

Wheelchairs Will Still Have Wheels

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I hate walking. It sucks and it's bad for you. Seriously, who invented walking? We should all find whoever said, “I'm gonna make the easiest mode of travel for people decay their hip bones, ankle bones, and cause shin-splints,” and punch him/her in the face. And if it was a group of people we'll attach explosive collars to their necks and make them go Battle Royal on each other.

I'm really excited to get into a wheelchair. Yeah, yeah, I know you have to redesign your kitchen to have low-access cabinets, you can't have epic training montages running up and down stairs, and you can't do parkour. But people, this is the past, remember? In the future they'll have wheelchair's with insect legs. Like invaders have in Zim ... wait a second. If these legs that can move in any direction, balance, extend vertically up by three times their height, climb stairs, grab things, and double as paper-weights have been invented in the crazy mind of Jhonen Vasquez.. what are we waiting for?

OH NO!

In the future, wheelchairs will still have wheels!

QUICKLY! Someone with money get to work! Make a wheelchair that has legs, instead of wheels, or both even! Just don't restrict them to wheels. I've already worked out the schematics:



Okay? Make sense? Pretty simple, right? You can even use sticks.. I mean, I know it will be the future but come on! I'm desparate here! I really think my legs are going to be useless.. they might be useless right now.. but that's just because I've been drinking.. hrm.. You should probably also add a catheter and plug-in dialysis attachments.